


The Boys who Walk Too Close Together

by Star4545



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Growing Up Together, Homophobia, M/M, Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 19:50:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16817305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star4545/pseuds/Star4545
Summary: The story of Dan and Phil growing up together and getting pushed down, but always getting back up because they have each other





	The Boys who Walk Too Close Together

_Looking back on 2009_

_When people said that it was raining all the time_

_I see sunshine 'cause I know that you are mine_

_\- the 1975, Mine_

* * *

Dan and Phil have been best friends since they were little. They lived down the street from each other and would always play together. However, their mums always thought they were a little too close. For example, when one would beat the other in a game of football, the winner, after their victorious spell, would hug the loser, whispering apologizes for beating them. The two would even kiss each other on the cheek sometimes, hold each other's hands under the dinner table, in an act of innocence and pure platonic friendship. Dan and Phil's mums thought if they were little girls, this level of comfort and affection would be normal. The two would be sitting in the living room; playing with dolls, painting each other's nails, and braiding hair. They just couldn't fathom such an affection relationship between two boys. But their boys were happy, that's all that really mattered.

As kids, the two boys were often made fun of by the other boys on the playground. They would get pushed around, called names, and they would hold each other as they cried. By the end of primary school, the two had learned how to cover bruises and scars, both on the inside and out. They thought everyone would grow out of calling them boyfriends and homos, gays and fags by the time secondary school started. Dan and Phil went into school with new haircuts and new attitudes. This would be the year without any name calling. However, it only got worse.

Phil will never forget the day when he saw Dan on the pavement; school books scattered around him, his lip bleeding, his eyes closed, with the bullies still kicking. It took everything out of Phil to wait till they were done before running up to Dan, pulling him close to his chest, letting dry heaves and cries fill the silent air, as he waited for Dan's voice to ring out. He came to quite quickly after Phil started sobbing. He assured Phil everything was fine, but Phil knew it was a front. How could he be fine when he couldn't even stand up?

It seemed that getting almost matching haircuts wasn't the move nor was being the boys with Pokémon backpacks, walking so close together that their shoulders would press. It affected the boys, all the name calling, however they never spoke a word to their parents. Dan's dad was often away, Phil's dad distant, and their mums weren't an option, they would worry too much. So, Dan and Phil found solace in each other; sneaking off after school to go on adventures, only going home right when they had to, then they would do their homework together, eat dinner, play video games, the other would finally go home, only for the next day for the cycle to repeat. They tried to be happy together, they tried to pretend like nothing affected them. But, as Dan turned 14, they both realized how much it truly did affect them.

Dan's 14th birthday was like any other. Dan's mum insisted the two families go out, something they never did, mostly because Dan and Phil were always scared that they would see someone from school. But this year, they went to some upscale restaurant that was definitely too nice for some boy's 14th birthday pity party. Definitely too nice for some boy who would much rather be sitting at home playing video games. Dan almost gawked at the prices of the food, he didn't know how they were affording it. Phil, who senses Dan stress because they are just that good, grabs Dan's hand under the table. They barely held hands anymore, unless they were mindlessly watching TV or needed comfort. It brings Dan back down to Earth enough to list off his order to the waitress. It was okay, Dan keeps telling himself, it's fine. Until he catches a glimpse of someone coming in. Dan squeezes Phil's hand, quickly alerting him that one of their main bullies was there. Phil looks over and inwardly groans. They share a quick minute of eye contact, reassuring themselves that it will be okay. And it would have been, if the immature 14-year-old bully didn't shout, for the whole restaurant to hear, "Look it's the fags, Dan and Phil."

"Boys, what's that about?" Phil's mum asks, highly concerned. Dan already had tears streaming down his face. He quickly gets up, forgetting he was holding Phil's hand, making Phil to jump up as well. Dan lets go and runs out of the restaurant, his best friend not far behind.

They were put in therapy. The mums talked to the headmaster, trying to say the boy had caused their sons emotional distress and physical damage, the bully was expelled. Dan and Phil tried to get better. Dan showed his unsteadiness on the outside, while Phil was more guarded with emotions. They talked through the problems, their cycle disappeared. There were no more fun adventures. There was only school, therapy, coursework, and sometimes video games. There was a weird spectrum of needing each other and not needing each other at all. They seemed distant from each other. Video games always made it better. At least, most of the bullying stopped.

They quickly changed their hair, backpacks, and started walking farther apart, especially when Phil turned 16 and realized Dan was hot, attractive, captivating. It was weird that Phil would even consider it as he was called derogatory terms his whole childhood. Yet, the internalized homophobia didn't stop him from sometimes drifting off when eating dinner with Dan, watching him push the hair out of his eyes or the little dimple pop up when Phil said a bad joke. He didn't really have a crush on the boy, but he could appreciate how he wanted to love Dan in a different way. They were already so far apart, they liked to pretend they were still as close as they used to be, when Phil blurts at a rare dinner between Dan, Phil, and their mums:

"I'm gay."

It felt wrong, so wrong, but also it caused Dan to stare at him, they hadn't shared an intense moment of eye contact like that in a while. The intense eye contact where they could read each other's mind. Dan was basically screaming at him _what?_ Looking at him like it was an ultimate betrayal. The mums would lie if they said they didn't see it coming.

Dan and Phil naturally split apart after that. It made both the mums sad that their sons had split apart. If nothing more the mums thought their boys would stay best friends forever. Soon after, Dan got a girlfriend; a beautiful girl named Fiona. She had short brown hair and piercing blue eyes, not as piercing as Phil's though. She was great for Dan. She liked video games, didn't mind not going out for dates, and was kind and compassionate. Everything Dan wanted in a girl. The first thing Dan's mum thought when she met her was leave it up to Dan to find the girl version of Phil.

Phil was left alone. He convinced himself it was fine, he was fine. His anxiety started to build up, he never really felt it before, but now that he was alone, it felt like it was always creeping up on him. He missed Dan a lot, always wondering what he could have done to make him stay. Phil caught sights of him in the hallways, saw him in classes, but they never talked. Phil just sat at home; listening to My Chemical Romance, too stressed to do anything else.

Their mums would meet up weekly, mainly to catch up with each other, but their conversations would often travel to their boys.

"Yeah, Dan is doing alright. His girlfriend is lovely. Has Phil dated anyone?"

"Not yet. I think he is really missing Dan."

"Do you think he had a crush on Dan?"

"I don't know. I know he loved him a lot, but whether it be platonically or a different way, I don't know."

Phil's 17th birthday came and went and so did Dan's. Dan and Fiona still going strong, Phil still alone. Another one of Phil's birthday passes. Now February, the weather cold and brutal, Phil thinks he will be forever alone. He was about to leave school when someone stops him from exiting. He looks behind him to see whose hand is on his shoulder. Dan was standing there; he had gotten taller and his hair now in mess of curls on top of his head. Either by coincidence or on purpose, they had no classes together this year. Phil didn't even know what classes Dan took. He looked cute with a heavy winter coat on his body, black jeans, boots, and a beanie on his head. His eyes were red.

"She broke up with me." Phil almost wanted to laugh and leave him there. Why now, why only after did he break up with her, would Dan want to talk to him? Phil felt as if he didn’t know to say to him.

"Sorry." Phil mumbles out, looking at the floor.

"I know we aren't that good of friends… anymore. But I really need my best friend right now." Phil looks up at Dan, their eyes lock. _What is happening_ , Phil's eyes read off.

"I have therapy." It was a sucky lie, but Phil didn't want to rekindle a friendship when he had no idea what the outcome would be.

"No, you don't. You have therapy on Mondays." Phil couldn't believe Dan remembered that. Dan was looking at Phil with a look of pure desperation. His eyes screaming _please, please, please._

"Is today not Monday?"

"Friday."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah. Your favorite day." Another fact that Dan remembered. Phil always said Friday was his favorite because it meant he made it through another week of school and didn't have to go to that hellhole for a whole two days.

"My house or your house?" Dan smiles, dimple and everything.

"Mine. I'm sure you want to see Colin."

"How'd you know my ulterior motive?" Why was it so easy to talk to Dan after two years?

They walk to Dan's house after Phil calls his mum, telling her that he is going to somebody's house. He didn't mention Dan's name, he didn't need her to make a big deal. They didn't really talk, more focused on not slipping on ice on the sidewalks. They enter Dan's house as if nothing changed. As if they were little kids coming home from school after an adventure in the snow only to run to Dan's room to complete their homework as fast as they can, so they could play video games. Dan and Phil shrug off coats, hats, and boots, Colin running up to them. Dan pets his dog who was way more excited to see his old friend Phil than his owner. They grab their backpacks, heading to Dan's room. It had changed a lot. No more Harry Potter posters or geeky bedspreads. One wall was covered with a giant bookcase with all the Harry Potter books on it, he had a desk, and a made bed. He even had a TV in his room. Phil didn't realize a person could change this much in two years.

"I just can't believe she broke up with me. I thought we had something going, y'know?" Dan flops down on his bed. Phil sits on the floor. He really didn't know. The only time he thought he had something going with someone, it fell apart, and it wasn't love, it was friendship.

"It will be okay. You'll find someone way better than her." Phil says.

"Thanks."

"Why'd she break up with you?"

"Different universities." Dan sounded sad.

"Oh."

"She's going to Oxford. I'm going to Manchester."

"I thought we had a plan."

"What?"

"We would both go to York." Dan laughs.

"I didn't know that was still on."

"Of course, it was."

"We made that agreement like two years ago."

"So,"

"And then we lost touch."

"Right."

"So, I assuming you are going to York?"

"Yeah."

"Cool."

"Wanna play video games?" Phil asks. This was awkward, too awkward.

"Rather just talk if that’s ok."

"Yeah, that's fine." It wasn’t, not to Phil. Did he remember to take his medicine this morning or is this conversation that awkward?

"Sorry we lost touch."

"It's fine."

"No, it isn't."

"Really, it's fine."

"No. I was just, ugh…"

"Yeah." Sometimes they just understood each other. "Did it make you uncomfortable when I came out?"

"A bit. I was also 16 and called gay my whole life. It caused both of us so much trauma. I just never thought…" 

"I know."

"How'd you know?"

"Know…"

"You were gay?"

"Oh… Um… Well…"

"It's okay." Dan says, dejectedly.

"I just, it's kind of embarrassing." Dan looks up from his spot on the bed and goes to sit next to Phil on the floor.

"Embarrassing?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" They locked eyes again. Phil hoped his eyes spoke the words he could. Dan grabs Phil's hand, he quickly moves away. Dan looks even more hurt.

"Well, um, you." Phil blurts out.

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"You had a crush on me?"

"Not exactly. I just remember thinking "Wow! Dan is kind of attractive." And I would just sometimes look at you and just think about love. Because we loved each other, right, but like I would think about other kinds of love." Dan thinks about how he talked to Fiona about love. They loved each other. Did it mean nothing?

"That is totally a crush."

"Aren't I supposed to be consoling your broken heart?"

"I'll wallow in my sadness later. Talking about a different topic than Fiona makes me feel better."

"Ok."

"So, I made you gay?" Phil shrugs.

"I guess."

"Did our childhood ever make you not… want to be gay?"

"Kind of. But then in the long run, all me being gay ever did was drive my best friend away. I think that hurt me more than the internalized homophobia or the kicking of bullies or anything else that could come my way." Phil says, sighing. "I can't believe it's been two years since I've been here."

"Yeah. Long time."

"Too long."

"I've missed this."

"Same."

Dan takes this silent moment to look at his best friend. He had the same piercing blue eyes, they had so much hurt buried in them. His hair is still in a fringe, his skin still vampire-like. He hadn't changed much, it drew Dan back to memories of childhood; the good and the bad. He could see Phil fidgeting, that was new. Phil was never anxious like this. Dan wanted to grab his hands.

"You haven't changed much, have you?" Dan asks. "Same hair, same moles and freckles, same personality. Same ole Phil."

"Jeez thanks."

"It's a compliment. Reminds me of good times." Phil smiles.

"What time is it?" Dan checks the watch on his right arm.

"About 16:30."

"I should head home soon before your mum finds me here."

"I don't think she would mind."

Phil knows he shouldn't. He shouldn't be thinking of kissing Dan. The boy who just broke up with his girlfriend of two years. But, damn, he was even more cute. Phil smiles, just so he can see Dan smile. So, instead of kissing, he just hugs Dan. If the other boy asked, he could just say that it just seemed like he needed it. As they drift apart, their eyes meet once more.

"This is going to be super cringy but in honor of getting whatever this is rolling again. I just want to say, I know you just broke up with Fiona, but you look so freaking cute right now, and I really want to kiss you. I won't. But I wanted to be honest. Sorry if that made you uncomfortable and I'm not about to say no homo because I mean it full homo." As Dan's cheek go red, he ruffles Phil's hair, same old mousy brown color. They were still looking at each other.

"How are you so comfortable with it?" Phil shrugs.

"I don't like thinking about it."

"Kiss me."

"No."

"Kiss me."

"I won't be some rebound."

"I want to kiss a boy. You want to kiss me. No strings attached."

"This won't end well."

"You know you want to." Phil's anxiety was bouncing off the walls. His heart rate is increasing and everything, but he was not about to cry.

"Only if you promise me that you want to kiss me."

"I do." Phil hated himself. He hated putting his lips on Dan's. It wasn't the right moment. It wasn't right. But, oh my god, he is kissing Dan and Dan is kissing back. Phil breaks them apart.

"Dan…"

"Phil…" Dan starts crying, full out. Phil is automatically struck with guilt.

"Dan, are you okay?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't of. I thought it would make me forget her, I'm such an awful person. You probably hate me even more now." Phil hasn't seen Dan cry this much since his 14th birthday when they both cried in the back of Dan's mum's car.

"Dan, it's okay. I shouldn't have let myself kiss you." Phil brings him back into a hug.

"It was a wonderful kiss." Dan says, trying to compose himself. The kiss made him think of Fiona, how her lips felt on his. The kisses shared between them and his kiss with Phil were both great in different ways. He didn't know which one he liked better.

"Wonderful?" Phil asked.

"Yeah, really good."

"Really good?"

"You don't hate me?" Dan asks. 

"I could never."

"Oh." Dan squeezes him tightly. 

"Is it bad? That I liked it?"

"No… maybe… you just broke up with-"

"Well…I've never been normal."

"-and tomorrow, all I'll be is a rebound."

"Not true. You'll always be my friend above all else. And tomorrow I'll call you and we can kiss again."

"That's even worse."

"What's better?"

"Leaving you alone till you get over her."

"What are you actually going to do?" Phil shrugs. "What do you want to do?"

"Not lose my best friend again." Phil lets go of the hug. "I'm going to leave. I think you need time to get over her and I need time to think."

"Don't beat yourself up about kissing me."

"I won't."

"Let's not become distant again."

"Let's not."

They see each other in the hallways the next week. They don't talk, but Phil didn't really know what to expect and Dan didn't really know what to do. Were they supposed to forget about the kiss or about the two years they've spent apart?

Two weekends later, there is a knock-on Phil's front door. It was a day when Phil didn't necessarily feel up to getting out of bed for anything but food. He especially didn't feel like human interaction. He prayed that his brother, who was home from university for the weekend, would open the door for him. Phil hears the knocking stop and the door open, he lets out a deep breath.

Phil's brother opens the door to find Dan. "What are you doing here?" Being the good older brother, he was, he was still kind of angry at Dan for causing his younger brother harm whether it be intentional or not.

"Is Phil here?"

"No, he's out." That was code in their house for Phil isn't feeling well and doesn't want to be talked to. They never really have to use it that much considering no one really needed to see him at a given moment.

"C'mon, I know he isn't really out. Let me in."

"He really isn't here right now. He's at Tesco's… buying sweets. You know him and his sweets addiction."

"He is on the couch under a mountain of blankets with a cup of tea watching Friends for the umpteenth time or up in his room reading Steven King. Why won't you just let me in?"

"Phil doesn't want to see you. This is the first time I've seen you come here in two years."

"Really? I walked all the way here in the cold. Just let me in. We're friends again. Ask him yourself." Phil's brother grumbles to himself, opening the door for Dan to come in.

"You stay here. I'm going to ask him if he wants to see you. He isn't feeling well." Dan looks around. Maybe Phil hasn't changed, but his house hasn’t either. The same old creaky staircase and wooden floors. If he focused hard enough, he could feel the warmth of the dinners Phil's mum used to cook for them in the coldest weather. The creaky stairs started making noise as Phil and his brother clomp down them. Phil looks at Dan who laughs at Phil still being in his pajamas.

"Wanna cuppa? I was just about to get a refill?" Dan nods, following Phil to the kitchen. All that has changed were the pictures on the fridge. Phil gets out an extra mug for Dan, easily remembering just how he liked it. "What are you doing here?"

"I've gotten over Fiona. See I can now say her name without crying."

"Good for you." Phil says, handing the hot mug over to Dan.

"A-And I wanted to hang out with you."

"Okay." Phil says. "Want to play a video game or something?" Phil really didn't feel up for intense conversation today.

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Phil grabs his mug.

"Cool." They go to the living room. Dan couldn't count how many times they've ended up on that sofa playing video games.

They play video games all afternoon, easily falling into their normal competitiveness with apologies at the end. They play so long that Phil's brother had gone out and came back. Phil's mum comes home expecting the house to be quiet; Phil would be upstairs sleeping off his anxiety and her eldest son would be doing school work. She didn't expect loud, cacophonous laughter and the theme tune of Mario.

"Stop beating me, Dan. DANIEL JAMES HOWELL! You just… I hate you."

"You love me, Philip Michael Lester."

"Shut up."

"Hello boys." Phil's mother says, walking into the living room. 

"Hey mum. DAN, NO FAIR I WAS TALKING TO MY MUM. PAUSE IT." Dan pauses the game with giggles coming out of his mouth.

"Hi Mrs. Lester."

"Dan, I haven't seen you in two years. If you don't come and hug me, you'll never hear the end of it." Dan stands up, walking over to the woman that he considered his second mum for the whole of his childhood and early teens. "My Dan, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." Dan lets go.

"Oh dear, I don't have enough food for dinner. I'll just go back out-"

"No, it's fine. I should be going anyway. My dad's visiting." It was a dumb lie. Dan's dad hadn't visited in years.

"Oh really? I haven't seen your father in years. Tell him we all say hi, maybe we'll stop by later."

"No, no. Please don't. I have to go." Dan says, grabbing his coat, putting on his shoes.

"I'll walk you out." Phil says, getting up and walking with Dan to the front door. Phil slips on his shoes and they go outside. It was a little chilly without a coat, but he didn't want to be alone again. Today was the first day in a while where he felt normal. "Is your dad really visiting?"

"No. Just didn't want your mum to go through the trouble."

"You are never trouble. My mum loves you like her own son."

"Still?"

"Yeah. Doesn't your mum feel the same way?" Dan shrugs.

"Listen Phil, I really want to be friends again… maybe even more. I know we are going off to separate universities in a couple months, but I really, really want to spend as much time as we can together." Phil places his cold lips on Dan's cheek.

"Sounds like a solid plan."

"Kiss me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." Phil kisses Dan. It was fast, mainly because Phil was super cold. "That's it?"

"It's cold out here."

"Come over tonight after dinner."

"I don't think I'm up to it."

"Oh, that's fine. I'll see you at school then."

"I'll come by. We'll walk together like old times." Dan smiles. Phil stares at the dimple.

"Sounds great, Phil."

"Bye Dan."

Phil walks back inside, closing the door behind him, shucking off his shoes, before meeting his mum in the kitchen. "That boy has gotten so cute."

"Ew Mum, stop."

"Don't you think so? Leaving his hair curly, he looks adorable."

"I guess I would have to agree. He broke up with his girlfriend two weeks ago."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He wants to rekindle our friendship."

"Do you?"

"Of course, I do."

"I'm happy for you two. Is he going to York?"

"No, Manchester."

"Oh… Be careful, Phil. I don't want you getting hurt."

"I promise I won't."

Phil wakes up a little early tomorrow, just to make sure he is at Dan's house with enough time to walk to school leisurely. Even enough time to drag Dan out of bed if he still wasn't up, Phil had to do that one too many times before. It is cold outside, not terrible, but not necessarily pleasant. The walk to Dan's house isn't long. Dan's already waiting for him outside, a travel mug, full of coffee, in his hands. Phil goes up to Dan, grabbing his glove covered hand, whisking him away from the house.

"Want a sip of coffee?"

"No thanks."

"Alright."

"How was your night?"

"Uneventful. Told my mum that I saw you."

"Yes, and,"

"She was very happy that we are friends again."

"Did you tell her anything else?"

"No, I will if and when we become anything more than."

"Ok."

They walk to school together, promising to meet up before leaving, so they could once again walk home together. They let go of their held hands before they enter the school building. The bullying had completely stopped, but neither could risk it popping back up again.

"I was just leaving for work, but I saw Phil outside, and saw them walk to school together."

"I'm so happy they're friends again."

"Yeah same."

"Do you think it will blossom into something more?"

"We never know, but I hope so."

It felt as if year 13 flew by way too quickly. Phil goes to America for his summer vacation with his family, leaving Dan back in England. Then university starts in a blur with a promise between the two boys to stay true to one another and to keep in touch.

Around the time of their university departure, a new website called YouTube had just emerged with the ability to post videos online. Of course, Dan and Phil being nowhere near normal, decided instead of calling or skyping each other, that sending videos to each other would be the better option. The videos are posted on the internet for anyone to see. The video quality is bad along with the sound. All they are, are videos talking about their days. They tried to send one at least once a week, most of the time once a day. That along with Dailybooth and Twitter allowed a nice communication between the two. Dan posts a lot of Dailybooth, including some naughty photos which Phil looks at a little too long. And even though they aren't communicating in the regular way, this way felt closer, more intimate. It felt as if they are talking straight to each other.

However, that didn't stop Phil from missing Dan or Dan missing Phil. There are still days where it feels as if they are missing pieces and it gets really bad during late September, early October for Phil. It starts with the crazy amount of work that he is assigned, not to mention the fact that none of his roommates particularly like him. They think he is weird for spending so much time talking to a camera. He misses the comfort of Dan; of having him close, of talking to him, of squeezing his hand.

Phil turns on the camera. He posted a video yesterday, but he knows that Dan wouldn't mind. He awkwardly shuffles to get comfortable and rubs his clammy hands on his jeans.

"Hey. I know I posted a video yesterday, but I really miss you. I don't think I can do this. I really don't think I can. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I'm focusing on English, but what am I going to do with a degree in linguistics, I can't even spell. I really miss you. I miss holding you and talking to you. I miss playing video games. I miss kissing you and I miss my best friend. Can I transfer to Manchester? At least then I would be with you. I don't think I can do this. I need my best friend. I have no friends here. I need you. I want you. I love you. I miss you." Phil wipes his wet eyes. "Bye." Phil posts the video without thinking, quickly emailing the link to Dan.

A couple minutes later, Phil hears his phone chime. _Get on skype now!_ Phil opens his skype on the computer, seeing that Dan is online. He clicks the video chat button, staring at Dan's profile picture. It is a picture off Dailybooth, a cute one. Dan's face pops up on the screen, all grainy yet perfect. Phil is still crying.

"Phil, are you okay?"

"I want to come to visit you in Manchester." Dan lets a little laugh.

"Okay, then do it."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too, love. Are you sure you are okay?"

"No, when am I ever okay? And, love?"

"Yeah. Love. Cause I love you."

"I like it and I love you too." Dan smiles at Phil. "I'm going to book my ticket now."

"Alright."

"I can't wait to give you a hug."

"Me either."

"And maybe secretly kiss you when no one is looking."

All the waiting is worth it when Phil spots Dan at the train station. Dan is wearing his hair straight; their haircuts have become matching once more. They hug for a little too long, Dan kisses Phil's cheek, everything seems alright.

"It's only been like two months since I've seen you, but it feels like forever." Phil says, sadly letting go of the hug.

"I know right. Do you want to go to Starbucks? I know one not too far."

"I would love to."

"Do you think it's okay if I hold your hand?" Phil nods. "It's crowded in here. I don't want to lose you." Dan says, grabbing Phil's hand. It felt warm in his. Phil squeezes Dan's hand as they walk out of the train station.

Even when they are out in the open, Dan doesn't let go and neither did Phil. He liked being close to Dan, liked to feel him close. They were in a big city anyway, no one would really care. They walk to Starbucks, Dan points out things along the way.

They walk into the warm café, letting the heat bite at their noses like the cold was doing moments before. Phil orders some pumpkin spiced drink which Dan makes fun of him for and Dan gets a caramel flavor drink that Phil couldn't help but ask to try. The two boys sit down at a sofa, sitting objectively a little too close, but for some reason, they didn't care.

"How's uni?" Phil asks Dan, he didn't really feel like discussing the topic of his meltdown and wanted to know if Dan was as miserable as he was. He was trying to focus on Dan's nearness and his warm coffee instead of his anxiety induced thoughts.

"It's good. I miss you loads, but you are here now."

"Still doing law?"

"Sadly."

"It's still early, you could probably change."

"Yeah, but it's what my parents want."

"Yeah, but it's not what you want." Dan puts his head on Phil's shoulder.

"I hate this. It's so stressful. Life is so stressful."

"Tell me about it."

"But at least I have you."

"Shut up."

"You are my best friend."

"You are mine too." They lock eyes, both knowing that they were more than just best friends. "Have you made friends… at uni?"

"Getting jealous, are we?"

"No, just wondering."

"I've made one, but don't worry. She doesn't really know me all that well. What about you?"

"No. If you didn't know, it's hard for me to make friends."

"You always have me."

"But you aren't at York."

"It's just this year and two more. Are you coming home for Christmas?"

"Of course, I am."

"Good." Dan sits back up, Phil misses him on his shoulder, pressing a sugary kiss to Phil's lips. It was short, but it was nice all the same. "Are you done your coffee."

"Yeah, just a few more sips." Dan puts his hand on Phil's leg, giving it a squeeze, before getting up to throw away his coffee cup. Phil soon follows.

Phil follows Dan around like a lost puppy the whole day. Dan seems to really love Manchester. They go to the Apple Store to take cute pictures and up to the sky bar to have dinner and a few drinks, making them giddy and happier than they already were. Lastly, Dan drags Phil to the Manchester Eye. Phil makes a big deal because they did this when they were younger and didn't need to do it again, plus it is expensive and they're uni students, but Dan wasn't having it.

"You are my boyfriend who I will have to wait a whole two months to see again. We are going on the fucking eye." So, they pay the outrageous amount for the slow-moving eye. They stand, watching the outside move slowly around them, standing extremely close to one another, hands intertwined. They get close to the top when Phil's mind says fuck it and grabs Dan to give him a big kiss. They haven't properly snogged the whole day and maybe in a carriage with five other people wouldn't be the move, but he couldn't stand having the guy he crushed on for his whole teenagerhood. And he couldn't completely forget the nagging that he was going to get yelled at for openly kissing a boy, but people should just learn to get their heads out of their asses. Dan yelps, not expecting Phil's lips, but slowly melts into the familiar lips. And there was no yelling from the others in the cart, there were no acts of disgust, it was just Dan and Phil in their own little world and this time it wasn't interrupted by ignorant people.

Then it was time to leave. Dan walks Phil to the platform and waits with him for the train to inevitably come. It was the last train running that night and Phil had a long journey back. "You must be absolutely knackered. Why don't you just come back to my dorm with me? We could cuddle in bed and make out and…"

"Dan, I got to get back or I'm never going to want to leave. I loved this. Maybe you'll come to York sometime." Dan nods.

"Yeah, I will." They could hear the train approached the almost empty platform, the one with the two boys with matching haircuts and different backpacks who didn't want to leave the person they loved most, and of course the train stops for nothing. Phil kisses Dan as the train comes to a stop. "Text me when you get back, okay?" Phil was crying which sparked Dan's crying.

"Of course. See you at Christmas, yeah? Keep sending videos." They kiss once more before Phil boards the train. This wasn't supposed to happen like this. They were supposed to go to the same universities to prevent this: the crying, the heartbreak, the insecurity, the crippling loneliness the one felt without the other.

Phil made a friend. Dan switched his major. And that's all that was eventful between the early October meeting of the two and Christmas. Dan couldn't sit still his whole ride back home. He was getting there a day earlier than Phil due to when their schools get out, but he was planning to still stop into the Lester's home to say hello.

He walks from the train station to his childhood home, it hadn't changed from when he left it a few months ago, just now there was snow on the ground. However, he didn't expect to see his father sat down at the kitchen table. Dan hadn't seen his father since the beginning of Dan and Phil's friendship break and no one had told him he was visiting.

"Hi dad."

"Daniel." He said in his usual cold tone.

"Where's mum?"

"Over the Lester's."

"Oh okay. I'm going to head over there now then." Dan drops his heavy bag in his room, grabbing his phone and wallet, petting Colin, before heading off to his best friend's house.

It was weird being at Phil's house without Phil being there. He knocks on the door, which quickly opens to Phil's brother, who lets Dan in unlike a few months ago. The Lester clan along with his mum were very happy to see him, especially to talk to him about his switch in university subjects, which Dan's mum was weirdly supportive of. They invite the Howell family over for dinner which they agree to. Dan's father was going out with some of his friends. As if by habit, Dan heads to Phil's room to wait until dinner. He sends a text to Phil explaining how he was having dinner with his family and it was weird without him.

Dan looks around the room. It was the same as he had left it, messy but somehow organized. Dan spots the lion plushie that Phil has kept since they were kids because Phil won from a claw machine. Dan smirks. He has gained quite a following on Dailybooth and every couple of hundreds of followers he posted an almost naked photo. He was close to another milestone. He quickly snaps a picture, with his shitty phone camera, with the small lion covering his private parts. Phil would get a kick of that one when he posted it.

Phil comes in the next day. Dan goes to the train station to meet him. Phil drops his bag the minute he sees Dan and runs over, hugging him tight and kissing his lips. "Someone's happy." Dan says.

"Of course, I am. You're here." Phil grabs his bag and they start walking home.

"It's weird to be back." The difference between this trip and their last meeting was that Phil doesn't grab Dan's hand. They just walk super close like they used to do when they were too scared to hold hands. It feels as if all the freedom and carelessness they had in Manchester has been ripped away from them.

"Yeah… really weird."

"In a couple years, I doubt anyone will care."

"But that's in a couple years."

"My dad's here."

"No."

"Yes."

"Oh my god."

"I know."

"Fuck. Ruins our big plans, doesn't it?"

"A bit." Their big plan was to come out as a couple to their families at the joint Christmas dinner at the Lester house.

"Do you still want to?"

"We should, shouldn't we?"

"But your dad…"

"Maybe he's changed."

"Dan, you know people don't just change."

"I know, but I still want to. I want them all to know because I love you and I want to hold your hand." Which prompts Phil to start singly loudly and out of tune, a rendition of "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles. "Please stop, you are bursting my eardrums with your horrible singing."

"You love me."

"I do."

They spend countless hours together in between spending time with their separate families, but Dan often needed a break from his mother and father. They would walk all their old paths; the ones they would run along for an after-school adventure or to avoid the ever-present bullies. They found a hill that they used to play on, it was covered in snow, making their butts all wet when they sat down, they didn't mind one bit. The cold would nip at their noses no matter how bundled up they were and how close they sat, but neither would change it for the world, especially as Christmas kept approaching. They were both nervous, they have been put down so many times for the same reason, and they were worried it would happen again.

Christmas has finally come. The Howell family comes over in jeans and Christmas sweaters while the Lester clan was still in their pajamas. Dan quickly gives Phil his present and Phil gives Dan his. They go up to Phil's room to open them. They unwrap them at the same time. Dan got Phil a DVD of a season of Buffy and Phil got Dan the new Pokémon game. Dan kisses Phil's cheek and they head back downstairs for dinner.

When is a good time at a family dinner to tell everyone that you are dating your childhood best friend? Especially in front of someone who is homophobic. They decide during desert after the Christmas crackers have been broken, paper crowns on everyone's head.

"Everybody, Dan and I have something we like to say." Phil starts. Dan looked worried, so Phil places his hand on his thigh, giving a supportive squeeze.

"We're dating and have been since last year, but we didn't want to tell anyone incase our separate universities broke us up." The mums were overjoyed. They looked at each other and Phil's mum whispers, _you owe me twenty pounds_. Dan looks over to his father, he had a stern look on his face.

"Daniel, you're gay?" Dan nods. Phil offers another supportive squeeze.

"Yeah, I am."

"And you are with _him_." The way that Dan's father said him made Phil uncomfortable. It was filled with so much hatred. Phil was unsure if it was hatred for him or for Dan dating him.

"Yup."

"Daniel, can I talk to you in a different room…alone?"

"Anything you say to me, you can say to Phil and to anyone else for that matter."

"It really is a private matter, Daniel."

"If it's to tell me I'm not your son anymore because I'm in love with a boy who I've known since I was a baby, you've known since I was a baby, then say it here. Cause I don't care, you are never here, and quite honestly my life wouldn't change that much if you weren't my father."

"Daniel, I think that's enough." Dan's mum says and then to Phil’s mum, "I'm so sorry." 

"It's okay. Everyone, calm down. I'm going to bring out the fruit salad now, yeah? Come help, Dan and Phil." Dan was fuming, and Phil leads him out of the dining room. Phil envelops him into a hug which causes Dan to start crying. Phil's mum pats Dan's back. "Shh, Dan it's okay. If you want to stay here tonight, you are more than welcome. I'm so happy for you guys. You'll stay together. I just know it." Then, Dan's mum comes in, rushing over to her crying son, she pries him out of Phil's arms.

"Dan, I'm so sorry. It will be okay. Everything happens for a reason, right?"

"I'm such a disappointment."

"No, you aren't."

"I can't be anything he wants me to be."

"You don't have to be."

"I'm going to stay here tonight."

"Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Dan, do you want to go upstairs? You look tired." Phil suggests. Dan nods. Phil grabs Dan's hand because he could do it now in the comfort of his own home. They walk upstairs, the staircase creaking underneath their feet. They walk into Phil's room and Phil closes the door behind them. Dan sits on the bed, head in his hands. "I'm proud of you. If we were younger, you would've never stood up for yourself."

"Neither would you."

"Yeah."

"We've come a long way." Phil sits next to Dan.

"We're out now."

"That we are."

"It's going to be so hard to go back to uni." Phil complains.

"Let's not think about that right now." Dan says, kissing Phil's lips. They were finally in private without worrying about anybody pulling them apart. Phil pulls Dan close, so they were pushed up against one another the best two people sitting down could be. "Once everyone leaves, can we go downstairs and watch Buffy?"

"I love you so much." Phil says, pushing some of Dan's straighten fringe out of his eyes. He wishes he left it curly today.

"Do you have any pajamas I could borrow?" Dan asks. Phil gets up, getting out a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a shirt of his. "Thanks." Dan changed out of his jeans and extremely hot Christmas jumper. Phil takes his jumper off as well, putting on another shirt.

"Do you think they've left by now?"

"We've only been up here like ten minutes."

"Ugh." Phil says, lying down on his bed. Dan comes and lies down next to him, placing his head on Phil's chest. Phil puts his arms around his boyfriend.

"You are so warm."

"Thanks?"

"It makes you so cuddly."

"Happy Christmas, Dan."

"Happy Christmas, Phil." Phil starts to run his fingers absentmindedly through Dan's hair. "You are making me sleepy."

"Then sleep."

"That's lame."

"I wouldn't mind going to sleep myself. Let me pull up the covers."

Dan realized that waking up in Phil's arms when it isn't considered sneaking around is the best thing in the whole world. Dan loves how he is engulfed in Phil's smell. He knows Phil woke up before him, Phil always has since they were little kids. Like always, Phil stayed silent, waiting for Dan to wake up.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Phil says as Dan starts to stir awake.

"Why would you have woken me up?" Dan says, sleepily.

"I was…" Dan feels it now, Phil's fingers tracing shapes onto his back. "Tracing shapes. Sorry."

"It's fine. It didn't wake me. Didn't even realize it."

Like predicted, going back to uni was hard for the couple which meant a lot of videos, video chatting, Dailyboothing, etc. What was even harder was not being together on Valentine's Day, so Phil posts a video all about Dan. Like all his other videos, he never really considered that people other than Dan watched his videos, so when he casually mentioned Dan's name, he didn't think much of it. However, his fans realized that this was the first time Phil mentioned the name of the person he always talks about or talks to. A couple of his fans also watched Dan's videos or followed their Dailybooths, so they connected the two. This video was the first time that Phil realized that people watched his videos due to the amount of comments he got. Some were nice saying _that’s so sweet_. But some made all the hurt that Phil grew up with, resurface. _Can't believe you are a fag._ He hopes Dan had seen it as he clicks delete on the video. Dan saw it. He loved it. It made him miss Phil even more than usual, causing him to look through the pictures on his phone, seeing of all the cliché couple pictures he and Phil took in the snow when he finds the naked Dailybooth he took in Phil's room. Thankfully, he just hit another milestone and posts it with a cheeky caption.

Phil of course saw that, almost immediately calling Dan on Skype. "What was that? When did you take that? That's not fair!"

"What's not fair, Lester?"

"I…ugh."

"Happy Valentine's to you too. Did I make you all flustered?"

"You know you did."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Come to York and let me kiss you and fuck you."

"Getting graphic there, Philly and I'm not so sure I want our first time to be in a University dorm where literally everyone can hear us."

"You are so annoying."

"Thanks, it's my specialty." Phil groans. "Are you jerking yourself off?"

"No, but I'm hard."

"You can't just say things like that."

"Are you alone?"

"Yeah." Dan says. "Oh, I see where this is going."

"Please."

"You want to have Skype sex? I've never seen you so horny, mister."

"And whose fault is that?" Dan pulls his shirt over his head.

"I don't really know what to do."

"Be sexy."

"I don't know-"

"You already are." Phil takes his laptop off his lap and puts it on the bed, lying down slightly, taking off his shirt.

"Smooth. Real smooth."

"I'm going to jerk off now."

"Thanks for announcing that."

"I wish you were here."

"So, I could jerk you off?"

"More than that."

"You are so horny." Phil starts to touch himself, closing his eyes, thinking of Dan who was on the other side of the screen. "You are keeping on your trousers? Isn't that uncomfortable." Phil was pulled out of his fantasy and shimmies out of the joggers that he was wearing. Dan was unsure what to do as Phil started to jerk himself off. Was he supposed to just sit and watch? Was he supposed to be like he was there? Was he supposed to be jerking himself off? He was semi-hard just from watching Phil. Maybe he should join in the fun. Dan moves his laptop and takes off his jeans and his pants. He closes his eyes, just training his ears for Phil's low groans that he's heard a few times in the past couple months.

"Dan, are you touching yourself too?" Dan lets out a mumbled yeah. "Fuck." Phil opens his eyes, he was almost there. He looks to his screen to see naked Dan with his hand pumping. Phil wishes Dan was here, so he could just kiss every part of his body. "Ugh." Phil releases. "Dan, you are so hot. You are doing great." Phil says, trying to help his boyfriend, who moans out as the white liquid covers his chest. That Skype call ended up being their longest ever.

Pihl found it hard to make videos after the whole valentine fiasco. He would sit down to make one and find himself uncomfortable with the thought that other people were seeing his messages to Dan. However, he still tried to post, he did have an audience after all. Everything is different now.

Like they always said, after Uni, they would move to Manchester. During the last two years of Uni, Dan and Phil saw each other scarcely, mainly over Christmas and a week here and there during the summer. Sometimes, they would visit each other for the weekend, but as classes got harder and coursework increased, their time steadily decreased. They still sent videos to one another, but now they had an audience who also joined in. Dailybooth, however, soon became a thing of the past as new forms of social media started arising. As Dan finished up his B.A, Phil wanted to go for his Masters, so Dan stayed home and worked in their hometown until Phil was ready to move to Manchester. 

Their apartment was small, especially with the scarcity of money the two boys have. They were getting little money from YouTube, their jobs didn't pay much either, thankfully their parents chipped in a little to get the boys on their feet in the big city. Correction to a statement said above: Dan realized, after the first night with all the furniture in their small apartment, that waking up in Phil's arms, in your own apartment on a weekend where nothing is dragging you out of bed, is the best thing in the whole world. It doesn't just smell like Phil. It's a mix of both of them. And for the first time in forever, they wake up at the same time. Phil traces circles, squares, and triangles onto Dan's naked back.

Their hair changes again. They no longer have matching hair as Dan leaves his curly and Phil puts his into a quiff. Their backpacks change too. Phil's is blue, and Dan's is black. But they still walk close together; never leaving each other's side because they hold each other up. Through homophobia, bullying, anxiety, and depression, they always have each other. They always walked too close. They always apologizing for beating each other at footie or a video game. They always kissed each other on the cheek and held each other in their arms for a second too long. That's what happens when you've known each other forever.

Their videos become less and less about _them,_ about trying to talk to one another, because they don't need that anymore. But maybe their audience needs someone to talk to. Sometimes they meet people on the street who recognize them. They are so much older than when they started making videos. Their lives have changed so much from the two boys scared of anyone knowing about them, scared of life without one another. The people on the street will tell them that their videos helped them meet their best friend or their lover or that they connected to something, anything Dan or Phil or both have said. It warms the boys' hearts. They still get homophobic comments, have people who glare at them on the street, but the future is bright. It isn't anything like their childhood and they are stronger now. They won't be pushed down and feel as if they can't stand up.

Their small Manchester apartment turns into a slightly bigger apartment. The new weight on their left ring finger feels weird as does the new apartment. It doesn't quite feel like _home_ yet. But they know they will break it in soon.

There is a small boy running around; zooming around Dan and Phil's feet, chasing their best friend, before falling down, laughing it off, before trying to catch up with his friend. Normally Dan and Phil wouldn't condone this much running around their house, especially because it might scare the puppy they just adopted, but it is raining outside, and it is only normal that a five-year-old has a lot of energy.

Their son has a best friend, another small boy. The two boys loved each other with a similar amount of fervor that young Dan and Phil's relationship gave off.

It was no surprise that as the boys entered fifth form, they came out. Dan and Phil were proud of their son and even happier he was dating his best friend. They were a cute couple. Their classmates were all tolerant of their relationship which was a thing Dan and Phil could only dream about. Sadly, not everyone is so tolerant, causing their son's lover to have to stay with them until his parents realized how stupid it was to kick their son out. Dan and Phil should’ve known they would be those types of parents, they never really grew to like Dan and Phil.

Dan and Phil always loved each other and as they grew their love matured. A lot of things stayed the same: they love to explore, they love each other, they can still communicate just through eye contact, they love waking up in each other's arms, they still apologize after every game, Phil always wakes up before Dan, they still send each other little videos sometimes, and they still walk way too close together. Their haircuts may have changed and their backpacks too, but this thing between them will never die. They have a son now who has someone he loves with all his heart too. The love between Dan and Phil always allowed them to see the light even when they felt as if they couldn't because one would always pull the other off the ground, brush him off, grab his hand, and say, "it's going to be okay." It would be okay. It will be okay. It was okay. It is okay. They are okay because they have each other close by.


End file.
